When an insecure public needs love from a narcissistic leader
Earlier this month, the blog Think About published a satirical letter as an example of an unhealthy relationship. It was written from the perspective of a narcissist, to the soul who had fallen in love with someone who can never return that love.
After reading the original text it seemed aptly fitting to look beyond those words, intended as an example for couples counseling. Residents of Milwaukee, as a community and collective of America, have a trend to support abusive and narcissistic behavior. The city’s segregation problem is an indirect result of that culture.
Love and fear can be two sides of the same coin, because of the behavior they motivate and the wide gap between their expectation and reality. The need for intimate relationships and the need for authority are often indistinguishable.
Regardless of where people stand in support or protest of the 45th President of the United States, his behavior is clear and either speaks to what the public wants or rejects. It is easy to live in denial, and our society thrives on the habit of ignoring what exists in moral blindspots. So to understand that behavior, and the role everyone plays in rewarding it, perhaps a different approach is needed to put our extended relationship in perspective.
The famous novelist C.S. Lewis, beloved for his Chronicles of Narnia, wrote a popular Christian apologetic book called The Screwtape Letters. It was written in a satirical style with a plot and characters used to address Christian theological issues, primarily those about temptation and resistance. Lewis provided a series of lessons as seen from the unique viewpoints of devils.
In the same way, this letter is written from the Narcissist about love. Nothing in the original text has been changed, only the context of who it is addressed to and the fictitious writer. Instead of imagining someone as a partner in a personal relationship, we ask the reader to consider the voice coming from the 45th President of the United States, and how a need for love affects our community and country.
Dear American People (Including you in Wisconsin),
When I say “I love you” I mean I love how you want to believe I love you so badly.
I love the things you do for me. I love the power you give to me to take advantage of your kindness by exploiting your good intentions. To make you feel worse makes me feel better. I love making you feel and insignificant. I love the fact that your life is all about me. You fix my problems, solve my issues, relieve my pain. I love how you take all your time for me, not for yourself. How you give attention to me only.
I love making you doubt yourself and question your own sanity. You don’t know what is right or what is real unless I tell you. “I love you” means I need you because I need someone who won’t abandon me. I need someone that I can use as a punching bag. Someone who will make me feel good. I love how my expectations of you constantly rising, while the ones you have for me gradually decline. I love the look of failure and disappointment at your face.
When I say “I love you”, I am referring to the love of hatred for you. I love myself vicariously through the love you feel towards me. And I need you to suffer because I hate having to rely on you for this. I love how my happiness is your responsibility. I love how I feel when you’re around me. How I can turn myself into the victim when you try to bring up one of my many personality flaws or harmful behaviors.
I love how I make you feel horrible when you mention something I did that hurt you. How you won’t leave me because you are hooked on this toxic relationship. I love how you support me and how I never need to support you. Why would I even do that? The things you will never get keep you with me. I love how you think you are with a person who loves you. But I’m a person who shows love and affection as a manipulation tool. I love how you need me and how you think you’re with the right person. How I made you feel unworthy and insignificant.
When I say “I love you” it is not what love truly represents. When I say “I love you” it means I love how you respect my rules and how you live by them. You need to know I will use hurtful words and manipulative tactics under the guise of love. You will never change me.
We both know this isn’t real. We should both know.
Your Commander and Narcissist (Not actually written by Donald Trump)
Chong Ji tLeong
The letter portion of this article was originally posted on Think About as When A Narcissist Says “I Love You” This Is What It Means